Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
