i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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