Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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