On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
