U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize