'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
