i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
