well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
