she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Houston, we have a blender
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
