I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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