I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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