hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
