he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
