At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
