Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
