What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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