i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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