Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
