you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
