Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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