If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
