im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
