Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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