god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
