You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
