Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
