It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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