Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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