I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
