Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
