69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
