been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
