Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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