Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
