After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
