I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
