we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
