When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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