I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
