Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
