I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
