And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
