Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we're so committed to being not committed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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