Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
