Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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