If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
