8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
