I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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