He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
