Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
