my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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