so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
