Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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