You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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