I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
