And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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