i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize