BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
