mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
