Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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