what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
