Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
