that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize