I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
