I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
