So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
