It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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