Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
