R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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