Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
